Perfectionism
You would probably never hold anyone else to the standard you hold yourself to.
Overthinking is not a character flaw, it is a strategy that once worked. We meet the part of you that keeps the standard, find out what it is afraid of, and negotiate rather than fight.
Overview
The standard is not the problem. What it protects is.
You rewrote the email four times. The final version differed from the first by about eleven words, and you know that, and you rewrote it anyway. Meanwhile the project you actually care about has been ninety percent done for five months, because ninety percent is safe and shipping is not. This is the arithmetic of perfectionism: enormous effort, delayed output, and a permanent low-grade sense of being behind.
The cruelty of it is the double standard. A friend brings you the same work and you can see instantly that it is good, and you say so, and you mean it. Turn the same eyes on your own and the standard moves. I use the word overthinking with clients more than perfectionism, because perfectionism sounds like a humblebrag and overthinking sounds like what it actually is: a mind that will not put something down.
At a Glance
- Adults and couples, in person in San Diego
- Telehealth Monday through Friday across California
- EMDR certified, Gottman and EFIT Level 1 trained
- Free 15-minute consultation
Individual sessions are $210, or $325 for 90 minutes. Couples sessions are $225, or $345 for 90 minutes.
Full fees and policiesDoes This Sound Familiar?
The specifics, not a symptom list
Open any line to see how I would think about it with you.
Open any line that feels familiar.
The Work
Meeting the part, not evicting it
The part that keeps the standard
It helps to notice that people have parts. There is a part of you running quality control, and it is not your enemy. It got you here. We get to know it directly rather than trying to argue it down.
What it is afraid of
Every protective part is holding a fear, usually something like being exposed as ordinary, or being unloved without achievement. Once that fear is named out loud, the part usually relaxes its grip more than any technique manages.
Renegotiate the job
We do not remove the standard. We change where it applies. High care on the two things that warrant it, deliberate good-enough on the other forty. That is a negotiation with yourself, not a resolution.
The Arc
A shape, not a protocol
Everyone moves differently. This is how this particular work usually unfolds here.
We count the actual hours and the actual delays. Perfectionism is easier to face when you can see what it costs per week rather than as a general feeling of inefficiency.
Questions
Answered plainly
Anything not covered here is worth asking on the free 15-minute consult.
Is perfectionism a mental health condition?
It is not a diagnosis. It is a pattern that often sits alongside anxiety, and it responds well to therapy regardless of what it is called. What matters is whether it is costing you time, output, or peace.
What does working with parts mean in plain terms?
It treats the mind as having distinct parts with distinct jobs, one that pushes, one that criticizes, one that wants to hide. Instead of picking a side, we get curious about each one. It is conversational rather than technical, and most clients find it intuitive quickly.
Will I get worse at my job?
The people I work with usually report producing more, not less, because the bottleneck was revision rather than capability. I do not make guarantees about outcomes, but nothing here is designed to make you careless.
I overthink personal decisions more than work ones. Does this still apply?
Yes, and it is common. Work often has deadlines that force a decision, while personal life has none, so the deliberation runs unbounded. We work with whichever domain is actually costing you.
How is this different from productivity coaching?
Coaching optimizes the system. This looks at why the system needs to be optimized in the first place. If a scheduling method had solved it, you would not still be looking.
Free 15-Minute Consult
Fifteen minutes to find out whether this is the right work.
Tell me what is actually going on. I will tell you honestly how I would approach it and what to expect.
In person in San Diego, and by telehealth across California.